Style Invitational Week 1405: Okay, once more around the track

Because This Crazy Year included the postponement of the Kentucky Derby, the Invite ended up running its big-deal “foal breeding” contest not only in May, but with another set of horse names in September, whose results ran last week. Also in May, we ran the annual spinoff contest to pair any two of the inking foal names from that first contest to produce “grandfoals.”

So three horse contests in a year! Enough already, right? Nope! After last week’s foal names were announced, Losers and even just-readers wrote to the Empress, asking, “Aren’t you going to do the grandfoals contest again?”

Noblesse oblige, we guess. This week: At the bottom of this page is a list of the 67 foal names that got ink in Week 1400. Now, “breed” any two and name the offspring to reflect both parents’ names, as in the examples above. As always, the names may not exceed 18 characters including spaces, but one or more characters may be numerals, punctuation marks or other symbols. You may run words together, but the name should be easy to read.

Use the format Name A x Name B = Grandfoal Name for each breeding, as in Examples 2 and 3 above. See this week’s entry form for a few more formatting tips.

Submit up to 25 entries at (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Oct. 19; results will appear Nov. 8 in print, Nov. 5 online (as if you’ll have anything else to think about that week).

Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a pair of socks that look like fox paws, even on the soles. The E had sent away for ones that looked like horse hoofs but . . . well, it’s 2020.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you’re new to the grandfoal contest and would like to give it a try, see this week’s at

Hai-comedy: Winning jokes in haiku form

In Week 1401 the Empress asked for “X is so Y” jokes, roughly, in haiku form (5, 7, 5 syllables).

4th place:

My hair’s now so long,
I’m like Rapunzel — and she
Couldn’t leave either.
(Sarah Walsh, Rockville)

3rd place:

Your Mama’s so loud
When she snores that I can’t hear
Kimberly Guilfoyle. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

2nd place

and the Compost Cookies:
My state’s so blue that
Trump replaced our mailboxes
With recycling cans.
(Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

I’m so embarrassed,
When I fly abroad I say
I’ve been deported.
(Frank Mann, Washington)

So-so ‘so’-etry: Honorable mentions

There’s such a rush to
Make a vaccine that “warp speed”
May turn to corpse speed.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

California’s sky
Was so orange, you couldn’t
find the president.
(Spencer Lu, Gaithersburg, Md.)

(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

My team is so bad,
When I saw the empty seats
It just seemed normal.
(Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

Ellen is so kind
She lets her crew take a bow
From the Ellen store.
(Mike Ostapiej, Ravenel, S.C.)

CD sales have sunk
So low they’re behind records —
It’s the vinyl straw.
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

He’s so dishonest
That his nose campaigned across
Four swing states at once.
(Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)

Charlotte the spider’s
So careful, she’s always sure
To keep eight feet apart.
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

It is so dang hot,
Even the humidity
Says it is the heat.
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

He’s so untruthful,
He can travel the world on
Frequent-liar miles.
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

Trump is so giving,
He paid 140K to
Help a single mom.
(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Falwell’s such a chump,
When his wife is naughty he
Sits in the corner.
(Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

This year’s been so tough,
It made 1929
Cry for its mommy.
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

She’s so bad at math
She has to study “ ‘Math for
Dummies’ for Dummies.”
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Such a narcissist
That in prison he’ll only
Print vanity plates.
(David Young, Falmouth, Mass.)

Washington’s football
Team is so complete that they
Go the whole nine yards.
(Jesse Rifkin)

Maine’s polls are so bad,
Collins now says Trump really,
REALLY concerns her.
(Chris Doyle)

Pelosi’s so bold,
She’s scheduled her next blowout
For November 3.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

How bad are the fires?
California’s new state song:
“Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.”
(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Each day feels so much
Like the last that each day feels
So much like the last.
(Sarah Walsh)

Bill Barr is so far
Up Trump’s rump that he might bump
Into McConnell.
(Jesse Frankovich)

How Hot Was the Road?
It was so hot, it
Fried not just an egg but the
Chicken crossing it.
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va..)

How Stressed Am I?
Stressed? My doctor asked
If I took my blood pressure
In an Instant Pot.
(Madelyn Rosenberg, Arlington, Va.)

How Bad Is 2020?
This year is so bad
We will need a new cliche
To describe hindsight.
(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Do I Miss Theaters?
I miss them so much,
I now hire people to talk
When I stream Netflix.
(Duncan Stevens)

How Contagious Is It?
It’s so contagious
Even a Jets receiver
Can catch it.
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

How Cold Is It?
It’s as cold as when
Trump gets his hand brushed away
By Melania.
(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

How Dead Were They?
They were so dead that
Although they tried, they couldn’t
Vote in Chicago. — (thanks to me!) D.J.T. |
(Minturn Wright, Washington)

I’m such a rebel
I always thumb my nose at rules,
Even in a haiku.
(Jonathan Jensen)

Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 12: our perennial Ask Backwards contest. See

The inking foal names from Week 1400. To see their “parentage” — e.g., Art Collector x Censor = Art Corrector — see the results of that contest at .

** *een on TV

Amen Coroner

Amend Corner


Arraign in Spain

Art Corrector



Belle of the Bald


Blame the Dog

Bomb in Gilead

Bone Spurious


Cardi O

Cuss and Make Up

Darth Wader

Doris and Natasha

Dress to the Left

Drool Runnings



Fertile Crescent

Finnegans Woke

Fire at Will

First Draft

Flatley Denied

Fraud Astaire


Halls of Montezoom


Hello, Mother

Hg Wails

Hoosier Data?

House of Flusher

How Great Dow Art

Howls of Montezuma


Jarhead Kushner




Little Bunny FU FU

Mad Don and Child

Manafort Knox

Mayor Peat

Nekkid Island

Nitro Dame

Notre Tame

Octopi Wall Street

Pits and Pendulum

Plugged IN


Regret Later

RV Weinstein

Saint Nick


St. Knickerless

St. NaCl-less

Stubble Genius

Tennisy Williams

The Credible Hulk

The Real Dill

Two Corinthians

Venus de Miler


Yum Kippur

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